In love? Nice!

Scared of a heartbreak…No?!

You sure? Not even a little? Think about it….

It’s a lovely Wednesday morning…I don’t know, but there’s something sexy about Wednesdays…I think it’s my favourite day of the week. Plus there’s no work today *moonwalks on top of bed* so that makes it a double sexy Wednesday…hehehehehe… Errr…let’s pretend I never typed that last line…shall we?

Now enough blabbing…I woke up in the mood to blog on something that’s been on my mind for a really long time. And that’s the rate at which relationships are breaking up. You don’t need to have the I.Q of Albert Einstein to know that there are more heart broken young people than at any other time in history. There are a billion and one reasons why different people have gotten their different strokes. Ice cream anyone?

For me…I think the major reason why most relationships end up more like Tom and Jerry on a bad day than at the altar with kisses and vows being exchanged is simple…Negative Expectations. Most people go into relationships expecting to at some point…get their hearts broken, or at least cracked. Before you argue…let’s have a few words.

If you’re a chic (lady, woman, girl…you get the drift), and you’re in a relationship…Fact is you probably feel your man is seeing some other chic on the side. You’re supposed to be wifey right? But most of you feel there’s absolutely no way your man isn’t calling, texting, liking pics on Instagram, Blackberry-ing, flirting, dating or sleeping with some other lady. So guess what? You’re already on the defensive… Of course no one wants to be taken for a ride in anything in life. Talk less of when your heart is involved. But the truth is, when it comes to love, you can’t continue to live with the thought that someday you’re going to be heartbroken.

If you don’t trust a bank, why deposit your money there? Ok…the safe thing is to deposit your money in different banks right? Sorry to burst your bubble…but men are not banks and your heart isn’t money. It’s your heart!

Guys are the same. I chat with friends, colleagues and acquaintances on this issue almost every day. I mean, it’s almost impossible to see a group of guys hanging out without the topic of women being involved. Guys don’t gossip o…we discuss! Now the fact is, most guys do not trust ladies…generally. No offense meant, it’s just the way it is. And that’s because of all the negative things we see, hear and experience every day. I mean, even ladies don’t trust ladies…it’s that bad.

It’s practically the same when it comes to love. A guy could be engaged to a woman (engaged-as-in-he-has-proposed-marriage-kind-of-engaged). And yet, when he hears that she’s hanging out with friends, or having a meeting, or even going to church, his heart skips a beat. He starts to think twice. Why? Because there’ll be a man (or men) where she’s going. He doesn’t want to be cheated on, or look like the fool (maga or mugu in the Naija context). He’d rather love her with caution. Truth is, most likely his friends don’t help matters, especially the single ones. He probably hears stuff like “Guy please be careful o” and “No babe is to be trusted abeg” from his friends all the time. Plus the issues he had in his past relationships and a bundle of other road bumps.

Anyone need a counsellor? *deep sigh*

This is why relationships fail. Everyone is trying to be careful…No one wants to love selflessly, wholeheartedly and completely. Well, YOU want to…But YOU’RE scared. That at the end of the day, after all is said and done, you’ll look like a fool. The men are still flirting and fooling around…just using that as leverage, kind of like an insurance…so in case she later messes up, he won’t feel too bad. You want my opinion on that? It’s plain stupid.

Same with the ladies…Most ladies these days would rather not commit totally, maybe have a few other male friends here and there. Even out rightly date other guy(s) so in case the ‘real’ guy is cheating, or breaks her heart, she can have something to fall back on.

For those who don’t cheat or double date as their own way of insurance…For those who still stay faithful, what happens is you end up having a relationship with little or no trust. What do we have here? Constant fights, arguments, quarrels and more break-ups-to-make-up over and over again.

Just because your friend’s relationship didn’t work out, doesn’t mean yours wouldn’t. Just because the world is now such a messed up place…and being in a nice, happy relationship has a million more challenges than in the 70’s, doesn’t mean you can’t be in one.

For those of you (like me), who’ve been there, done that and seen it all…You’ll agree with me that in the end…all you really want is to be happy. And you can’t be happy in a sad or shaky relationship. And the only things that can stabilise a relationship are trust and love. I know some people are like “duuuhhh…of course you need love.” But when I say love I don’t mean just love. I mean loving like a fool. A fool? Yes! The only way to be happy is to love the person you’re dating as if there’s not a care in the world. Without suspicions, without caring whether things may go wrong or if they’re going to cheat you. By throwing all caution to the wind…and not trying to see what direction the wind blew it in.

The point is ————— > You can’t move forward in love if you continue to look behind your back every time.

Pheeeww…Guess I’ll have to stop here… ‘cos if I keep typing I’ll end up writing a book. By the way watch out for my book (title withheld for now) *winks*

Have a lovely day…And remember, love and fear don’t go together. Be brave! You deserve to be happy…you deserve to have true love…and you will… Forget the past; it’s a new day…cheers!


Uploaded at 11:54am 16th of October 2013


3 thoughts on “SORRY, NO REFUNDS

  1. Yup, yup. The thing is, going in whole heartedly is what we all would wanna do, infact its how we all started out. Dating with our whole heart in it but after going through abit of heart ache, it gets difficult to do dat, especially when u realise that the less you put your whole soul into it the less pain u get if it ends badly *for d record I did say ‘if’ and nt ‘when’*. I believe that’s the truth abt it. I still recall how naively whole hearted my 1st date was and here I am nw *smile* unfortunately not with the 1 I gave the wholehearted love to. Its jst life, we kinda learn from mistakes and it changes the way we go about it. Bin out of date wit ur stuff but glad I read dis 1, keep it coming. Xo

    1. Wow…i should cut this comment and paste it as part of the blog…it makes that much sense! The fact is…the whole ‘nobody’s gonna make a fool out of me again’ syndrome doesnt really help matters…We end up being spies and detectives in our relationships…Though i agree with u…the more we get hurt, the less we are ready to give…*sigh* its just complicated. However, i think we should learn to have the mind set that even if things dont work in the end, the important thing is you gave it your best shot…and have no regrets…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s