It was a sunny Sunday afternoon. I was still basking in the euphoria of the church service which had just finished. The choir had sung their hearts out. Pastor Tano’s message had been so interesting. I loved it whenever he preached. Plus he was tall, and kinda cute. But that wasn’t what I Iiked about him. It was the fact that he could captivate you with his sermons. He could preach for a whole hour, and it’d feel like just ten minutes. I actually wondered why I hadn’t attended church in so long though.
“All right babe, see you later today.” My friend Linda said as she pulled up beside me. I walked over to the driver’s side of her car, where she sat, one hand on the steering wheel.
“Sure,” I replied. “We’ll go see a movie yeah? I heard there are some new really cool ones.”
“Come on,” Linda replied, “you know I’m not such a movie person. Why don’t we go swim?”
“Haaa! Have you forgotten what happened the last time we went swimming?”
We both laughed really hard as we suddenly had the same flash back of my near drowning experience the last time we went to swim.
“But come, what’s up with that handsome lifeguard that saved your life? Linda asked. “I thought you guys were now dating.”
“Hmmmm, I thought we were. But you know how men of these days are. He thinks just because he saved me from drowning, he has the right to get into my pants.”
We both laughed hard again. Suddenly someone in the car behind us began honking the horn so loud. At that moment we realised Linda’s car was holding up traffic. We said some hurried good byes and she drove off. I turned and began walking towards my own car. As I got close I pushed the open button on my car’s remote control. The lights flashed twice. I opened the door and got in. My stilettos were killing me so I decided to take them off. I couldn’t have driven with them anyway.
I was about to shut my door when I noticed a man walking towards me. He seemed to be approaching me in a hurry. I felt a slight sense of edginess but I relaxed a bit when I noticed he was holding a bible. Obviously he must have attended the church service. My heartbeat slowed to it’s normal pace.
Soon he was standing beside me. He was of average height and slim in stature. I wouldn’t describe him as handsome but he had a well set face and a nicely trimmed haircut. He wore a fine suit too, even though it didn’t look too expensive. I wasn’t exactly sizing him up. But you know how we all take a quick glance from head to toe at someone of the opposite sex when they approach us? Like you could evaluate someone’s looks in about three seconds. He seemed a bit lost for words so I smiled. I mean we were in church so I was meant to be friendly right? At least that’s what I thought.
“Hello”, he said, giving me a strange smile.
“Hi,” I replied, trying to sound casual, my mind racing as to what he wanted from me. I was guessing maybe he wanted a lift in my car in case I was going in his direction. He seemed to have lost a bit of his composure.
“Please can I talk to you for five minutes?” He finally blurted out.
“Of course, you can” I replied, trying to sound friendly even though I was already getting a little irritated. The sun was in my face and beads of sweat were starting to stain my makeup. You know what they say about the cost of a woman’s makeup. I remembered my mother’s words. She had always trained my sisters and I never to be rude or insult any man who approaches us. Even if we didn’t feel up to a conversation.
“Ok,” he finally said. Sister, I have been praying about you.”
Me? Sister? When people in church call me sister it usually ticks me off. Just call me by my name. “My name is Anita,” I told him.
“Oh sorry, ok, sister Anita.” He said, correcting himself rather uncertainly.
“Just Anita will do.” I replied. At this point I was trying hard to prevent my irritation from displaying on my face. Rather than the huge scowl in my mind I smiled at him. That smile was like a two out of ten but it was the best I could do under the circumstance.
“Anita,” he said again, sounding like a kid who had been giving the last shot at proving to the cool kids that he was fit to be part of their clique. He shuffled his feet and fidgeted with his bible.Now he was making me uncomfortable, and I was beginning to lose patience. This brother had his last shot at saying whatever was on his mind.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, or make that two eternities (the awkward silence and heat were killing me), he said..“Sist- ..sorry, Anita, God told me to tell you that you are my wife. And that me and you will be together forever.”
There was a brief moment of silence. I pinched myself to be sure I wasn’t in a trance. Was a man really dropping such lines?! In 2014?
I, Anita Omeru, sitting there in my car, nearly passed out from the shock of it all. That was what he had come to tell me? That was what he had kept me boiling under the scorching sun for five minutes (it felt like five years), to tell me? For the first time in my life, I decided to joyfully and wilfully disobey the words of my mother. I slammed the door shut in his face, put the gear in drive, and sped off faster than even someone driving a gang of armed robbers would do.
So, hope you enjoyed the story and the little humour. But seriously, so many people
Nigerians are fond of using the clause “God told me…” to cajole, convince, deceive and persuade people to do things that are false and were clearly not from God. Of course there are some precious few instances where it is genuine, but trust me, probably only one in ten, if not a hundred instances are genuine.So, the whole idea is for you to use the comments box below to express yourself. Tell us your own experience of thoughts on the subject.
P:S A guy wrote this article. My name is Adotekom OkodI-Iyah
Thanks for reading my blog.