I seem to have vanished. Somehow I managed to find a new source of writing motivation. Believe it or not…it’s the smell of fresh brewing coffee! Not that I took a sip, just the fresh aroma…*inhales deeply* God bless Nescafe!
So, a couple of days ago, I was hanging out with a couple of friends, all really nice folk. Of course, when young guys and ladies gather to chill with drinks and shisha and all, topics related to sex and dating are bound to pop up.
Of course, different views on heartbreaks, cheating, lying, dishonesty, ‘playing’, being played, getting laid, fooling around, falling in and out of love and all the bullshit that comes along with matters of the heart were properly dissected. Let’s face it, most relationships these days (maybe even the one you’re in right now), are a huge joke! The lady is trying to ensure she doesn’t get played or messed up, while he too is trying to ensure he doesn’t get caught in his web of lies and deceit. I don’t even know who lies more these days, but that’s a topic for another day. Hopefully I’ll get to smell more coffee again soon. LOL. As I was saying, no one wants to be taken for a fool. Everyone wants to have an emotional back up plan. What we even call relationships, are just two people having regular sex and enjoying each other’s company. They get to tag themselves a couple, yeah right!
I used to be a huge fan of the regular process:
Meet a girl ——–> Introduce myself ——–> Make a good impression (oh sorry in my case, make an AWESOME impression) ——–> Try and get to know her gradually through phone calls, texts, etc ——–> Go and a few dates ——–> Get to like her ——–> Date her. ——–> Marry her
Now that process above is the one for sensible, reasonable folk. These days what you have is:
Meet someone ——–> Exchange contacts ——–> Hook up ——–> Have sex ——–> Let at least one person involved assume it’s now a relationship.
However, lots of emotional roller coaster experiences have taught me something I strongly believe. Now it’s my opinion (you’re on MY blog remember). But don’t let that last line make you vex and close your browser. LOL. Back to what I was saying, all the love, sex, and emotional drama I’ve witnessed over the last few years have completely re orientated my thinking on what the dating process should be.
Here’s my new thought process:
Meet someone ——–> Get to know him/her (you can never finish knowing anyone sha) ——–> Become friends ——–> Realise you love what you’ve seen in that friendship ——–> Date him/her.
Some of my friends at the hangout argued when I said this. But by the time I briefly explained the reason why I was of this opinion, trust me, I had them all nodding in agreement. I know, I know…save the applause, autographs after the show. That’s if my manager is in a good mood. LOL.
Here’s my thought: You’ve become my friend. You know all my drama and all the bullshit I have. You know my many negative sides and all, and you still like me that way. You don’t judge or criticise me… Basically you get my drift.
As a chic you have this guy who’s a friend. Has seen you countless time without make up, has seen you throw tantrums, get mad, get naughty, act silly etc. And still likes you and loves being around you. He knows all or some of what you’ve been through, your struggles with love and life as a whole. You basically make zero effort to impress him and yet he likes you as a person. Trust me, if you ever get to a point where a spark comes in between you two, don’t let all that crap you hear of ‘being afraid to spoil what we already have as friends’ deceive you. Turn that friendship into something more beautiful.
THERE ARE TWO RISKS THOUGH
The first is, you could both end up placing each other in the VIP section of the friend zone. She begins to see you as a friend, NOTHING MORE. As a guy you could actually be afraid to spoil what you both have already because of trying to take it to another level.
The second is, while you’re busy making him/her your friend, some other really sharp person has already swooped in and done what you’d wished you had.
I have dated total strangers in the past. And I’m very sure we all have. When I say total strangers I mean someone you don’t know from Adam, abi is it someone you don’t know from Eve that is correct?
Anyway, my point is…don’t be in a hurry to date / marry / fall in love /jump into bed with someone you just met if you’re looking to share something special with them. Don’t go tagging a guy your boyfriend only three days after you met him. At least get to know them a little. See the ‘friend’ side of that person first. See the tip of the iceberg, so at least so you can know if it’s worth a titanic. Damn! How was that for a punchline…*waving to the crowd* LOL.
So, hope this write up made some sense to someone. Feel free to leave your comments and express your own opinions. I mean, na democracy we dey o. May your love life be as sweet as Cherries and Cream.
Adotekom Okodi-Iyah for President! *winks*
P:S Check out my older write ups…