These days sha…I seem to upload an average of one post every three months. God help me. Did y’all miss me? Of course u did. Hmmmm… Did someone smell that? I sure did. Haters in the building.
It feels so gooood to be back *plays Eminem’s square-dance* Who rocked that album, The Eminem Show…you sabi music if you did jare…
Anyway, to the matter at hand. I was having the most interesting Skype Call with a friend…will mention her name at the end if she gives me permission lol. So, we were gisting and then something came up.
So…the big issue was ‘Sexpectations’ (expectations that are sex related). Now expectations are a part of our everyday life. Your boss has expectations from you at work, people you meet have expectations from you too. Even friendships have expectations. Now, so this write up doesn’t get boring…heck no! I don’t have a single boring write up (check my archives). Ok… I’m getting carried away.
Now as I was saying, let me break this down in very simple steps. In friendships we all have expectations. They are really simple. These are things we don’t say, they are in built, although a lot simpler for men.
Friendship: Expectations for men
- As my friend, don’t make money without involving me, illegal or not…LOL
- Do not go on any fun hangout or outing (where alcohol and ladies are involved), without me.
Friendship: Expectations for women
- Do not lie to me.
- Do not gossip about me.
- Do not try to act smarter than me.
- Do not come near my man, I will kill you if you do.
- Do not try to boss me around.
- If you share my dirty secrets, I will publish yours too…
I have like two hundred more…so make I stop here.
Now relationships are no different, everyone and I mean everyone, including you has expectations whenever you begin liking/falling in love with/ dating someone. To avoid complications here is what I mean by expectations in this context.
The Adotekom Dictionary: Expectations (n): The things you expect a guy/lady you are in love with/ dating/ married to/ having sex with to think, say or do or not think say or do when they are with or not with you.
Now personally I would flee (without thinking twice) from any chic who begins to lay down a million and one rules and regulations (her expectations) after I meet her. And I’m sure most of you will too.
Would you like some examples of expectations? Of course you will. Now expectations vary sha. They depend on the level of love, jealousy and well, general craze level. Here are some examples of things men and women expect:
- Do not make or receive calls from your ex, a toaster, toastee or admirer in front of me. If you must, pretend you don’t like them.
- Do not lie to me, if you must, make it a good lie and do not let me catch you.
- Do not cheat on me.. (by default). In short this should be number one.
- When we go out together, treat me like I’m a queen.
- Do not nag. If you nag I will leave.
- Always pick my calls, yes! Even if you’re in a meeting.
- Introduce me to all your friends and family.
Ok. I could go on and on. My focus today is Sexpectations… i.e expectations relating to sex.
WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT AHEAD…APPROACH WITH CAUTION.
Now my own belief is, everyone knows if they can have sex with a certain person only two minutes after meeting the person. a girl/guy knows if someone of the opposite sex is attractive enough (physically and intellectually) to jump into bed with.
So…what do you generally expect when you first start dating someone? Now truth is, some people believe in relationships without sex. *gulps*
Now if you happen to meet such a girl or guy, what would your reaction be? The thing is, 90% of people go into relationships already expecting to have sex. I mean, it’s supposed to be part of the package right? Like being on a flight and being served your meal. So it’s never discussed, until well…you either meet a brick wall or enter the freeway.
I believe though, that if you happen to fall in love with a girl or guy that doesn’t want sex in a relationship, assuming you don’t share their views, how do you guys meet in the middle? Assuming there’s a middle to meet in. Where do you draw the line?
Does it stop at kissing, or is touching and fondling the limit? Some people who believe in celibacy in relationships feel anything is acceptable as long as there is no penetration. For some oral sex is totally out of it. Some feel oral sex is perfectly ok.
Also, for some people it’s a matter of time and comfort. Remember the 90 day rule from ‘Think like a man, act like a lady’? For some people they want it to be a slow, gradual process. We get to kiss after three dates, you get to see my bra only after you have made me officially your lady, and we get to have sex only after we are engaged.
For some people it’s a matter of chemistry. If the moment is right, the electricity is palpable and you behave yourself, you get to ’50 shades of Grey’ me from the onset. For some it’s a matter of how you can work your charm. You play your cards right, and we can get to invent our own sex positions.
However, since of course, most times these sexpectations are not said out loud, it can be a bit tricky. Many relationships have gone down the drain ‘cos of the inability of one or both to cope with these expectations.
As I try to tidy up…let me also add this: How do you deal with unsatisfying sex? As a lady let’s assume your man doesn’t know how to last? He can’t even stay hard through one song? Or perhaps his foreplay is terrible. Instead of nibbling your ears he bites them off, his kissing gets worse by the day and he generally doesn’t understand how your body works. And this very important one: Does your man ‘go down’ on you often enough?
Or as a guy your woman doesn’t get your engines revving? She’s perfectly ok with lying on her back and moaning while you do all the work. Trying out any other position or even giving you a blowjob is a taboo. How do you deal with it?
Keep in mind if what you share is real then you don’t want to lose him/her and you also don’t want a marriage with boring or messed up sex. The reality of these sexpectations must be faced at some point.
Married folk aren’t exempted, cos the problem is a lot of people get into marriages as sex freaks but after months or years of sex with the same person night in night out, there really isn’t much to look forward to. I say you two should sit down, have a talk about it and look for new, creative even crazy ways to spice up the sex. Try new positions and even new locations *winks*
The only thing worse than bad sex is…Errrr, sorry can’t think of anything worse. LOL. So get to it…
So, I want comments from you guys. Let me hear your views while you ponder on what I’ve just written. Let’s be real. Say it the way it is. Don’t worry, your man/woman won’t read this. And if they do, we can activate my witness protection program.
By the way, you should listen to “Heart to Heart” by James Blunt. Plus, if you haven’t listened to Ed Sheeran’s album ‘X’ what planet do you live in?. I have a confession: I listened to Dija’s song “Awww” the entire time I was typing this…Hmmm, am I in love? LOL.
Oya, ee don do, I’m out!
P.S: I finally got the permission, yaaay…special shoutout to Toluwani Osasona for inspiring this post. Wanee, you rock! See? No need to sue me anymore…