slide_207659_663714_freeI’ve really missed writing. A lot of inspiration flies through my mind but with work, bizz, plenty distractions here and there, finding the time to put them down is the issue. And marriage never even enta d pishur o. God help me.

What I’d love to discuss today is hopefully going to help single ladies to reduce the risk of heartbreak. Consider it my Insurance Policy or should I call it a Tour Guide? You decide. If you’re reading this is very likely you know most of what I’m about to say. I’m hoping though, that you’ll be hearing it in a more down-to-earth, honest, all in your face kinda way and have a good laugh here n there (I’m not claiming to be Basketmouth o) lol.

It is very easy not to get your heartbroken ladies. When I say single ladies I mean you’re not yet married. It doesn’t matter whether you’re in a relationship, engaged or casually dating someone, you’re single! At least that’s the context in this post. Here’s the outlay of my Insurance Policy…enjoy the read!

01 Sep 2000 --- Worried businessman --- Image by ©LWA-Stephen Welstead/CORBIS
           Men are just confused as women! 

To all the Queen Bees, Amazons and Matriarchs in the house, to all the Chimamanda supporters and staunch disciples, make una no vex. But I’m going to say this; Men have, and will always have the advantage. Before you swallow me up let me defend myself (enters the accused box). When it comes to love and dating, nature has designed men to be the ones to do the “approaching”. I don’t know the origin or who started it, but somehow over the centuries, men have become the ones who are expected to make the first move, abi na lie?

If I’m wrong please any lady reading this should tell me when last (if she has ever), walked up to a handsome dude and initiated a conversation, then asked for his number. Now don’t get me wrong, there are always exceptions to every rule. But in this case, you’d probably need one million rules to find one exception. As a guy, I’ve occasionally had ladies initiate a conversation, but I’ve noticed that’s probably the best you can expect from a lady who’s just meeting you and probably wants to see you again. She might use a compliment like “oh…I like your wristwatch” or “that’ a nice tie” or something cheesy like asking you for directions or what the time is saying, lol. But even then, you’re expected to carry on the conversation as a man, get her contact and then ask her on a proper date after that. We live in a world where the normal thing is for men to take the lead. Of course a woman can take the lead, there are exceptions like I said. However, any lady reading this should honestly think back and tell me how many guys she has dated and she was the one who made the first move? Answer is probably none, or one at most. In the world we live in today, a lady is expected to wait and let men do the approaching/finding/move-making.

Now men may have the upper hand in the sense that they do the approaching while ladies wait to be approached, but that does not in any way mean they are not confused. You want proof? Just look around you and see how many successful men who are between 27 and 35 who are not married. You’ll be alarmed. They are not married not because they are not ready financially, it’s because they are so confused. Ladies are confused as to which suitor or toaster to date or marry, men are even more confused as to who (out of all the approachees,) to settle down with. They have approached Halima, Ngozi, Chioma, Ronke, Samira, Tinuke and Ada and now don’t know who to be with. That is why all most men are players and cheaters. They just can’t decide who to be with because they keep ‘approaching’. Na confusion cause am o

The confusion is real ladies...very real!
                                 The confusion is real ladies…very real!

So ladies, don’t ever let anyone make you feel like just because you have to wait to be approached doesn’t mean the approachers aren’t confused too.

How do you decide who is right for you as a husband without having to endure fifty relationships and two hundred heartbreaks. Next slide please?

            A rich man is only a plus to a woman who already has her life in order

A rich man is only a plus to a woman who already has her life in order – Adotekom Okodi-Iyah (2015)

I used to judge girls who are prone to date guys who are rich, or at least show signs of wealth and probably belong to affluent families. Until many years ago, I took a walk in their shoes. I dated this chic who was from a stinkingly rich family. I’m talking super we-do-not-know-what-to-do-with-all-this-money kind of rich. She was in her early 20s yet was always spending on me like a sugar mummy. I have never and will never be someone who loves someone for what they have, but will always love for who you are. I cannot deny however, that the comfort and luxury and all that spending and spoiling-her-man she was doing made me get carried away and certainly swept me off my feet.  Even with all the James Bond I was forming, I was certainly swept, lol. Anyway this isn’t about my past love life, if you want to know more schedule an interview.

I’m going to say this ————–> Ladies If you are looking for true love FORGET ABOUT MONEY.

Am I asking you to date a church rat? NO! (Come sef, these days sha na church rat get money dey fat pass)

Am I asking you to marry a man who has no job or source of income? NO!

Am I asking you to be in a relationship with someone who can’t fend for himself not to talk of his woman? NO!

What I am saying is, do not fall in love with a guy because he is rich or ‘appears’ rich. Fall in love with a guy who has dreams, who has plans for his life, who knows his purpose, who knows where his life is heading, what his destiny is.

Nothing wrong with loving someone rich. But there’s a lot wrong with loving a man without a plan and vision for his      life.

A woman’s role in marriage is to support and guide her man. Please what will you support and guide if there is no vision and purpose in the first place? Just because a guy is living in Lekki or Asokoro and drives a Range Rover or Benz doesn’t mean he knows where his life is going. You have to ask yourself, “If I take away his money, what is left of him?” Look for a man with dreams and goals, not at his bank account.

There is nothing wrong in dating or marrying a rich guy, but if his wealth was the first attraction, and probably why you’re ‘in love’ with him, my sister wahala dey o. If money could bring the happiness we all crave, ask yourself why there are so many rich, but very unhappy, even divorced young couples.

As a young man I aspire to be super wealthy, I mean who doesn’t? But I don’t, and no man, wants a woman who loves him because he is rich, or who is attracted more to his money than to his personality or who he is.

A man with dreams and a purpose, though not rich now, will surely be one day. The man, who has nothing to offer you but money, will most likely lose that money someday, and even if he doesn’t, he’ll most likely end up making you an unhappy wife.

                                                    You don’t need a man, you deserve your own Superman!

This is something every lady knows, but sadly, only few very ladies apply. I don’t care how old you feel you are becoming as a woman or how you feel you are running out of options, ladies please never give any man who doesn’t make you feel like a queen the time of day. You are a queen! And only Kings can understand that. There are very few young men out there who have any sort of ‘kingship’ in them, so please choose carefully. You should never settle for being ‘one of his many girls’ or a side chic.

Don't settle for any guy who just wants you as one of his many girls. You deserve better!
Don’t settle for any guy who just wants you as one of his many girls. You deserve better!

The world may have changed, but one thing that can never change is how a man who loves a woman should treat her. Ladies here’s the ugly truth, if a guy you’re dating makes you constantly feel like you’re an option, then most likely you are just that to him ————–> An OPTION!

A man who wants you in his life, not just as a girl he likes and is sleeping with, but as someone he feels he can spend the rest of his life with, will show it in his words, but even more importantly, his actions. Sadly, most ladies are in relationships where it’s simply a case of a guy who ‘really likes you’ and loves your body, enjoys your company and all the benefits you provide. Here’s what most of our relationships revolve around:

      You deserve someone who doesn’t love just your body, but who is also in love with your soul. Love reaches                     far beyond sex and intimacy.

“You deserve someone who doesn’t love just your body, but who is also in love with your soul.” – Adotekom Okodi-Iyah (2015)

A man who truly loves you  will not just spend on you, buy you gifts, take you shopping and on trips, nope! Any guy with a reasonable income can do that. But a king?

Here is what a king does:

————–> Motivates you

————–> Encourages you to be a better woman daily

————–> Patiently tries to understand the woman you are and works towards improving you

————–> Is always there when you need a shoulder to lean on

————–> Doesn’t compare you to any other woman

————–> Treats you like you’re his world

————–> Doesn’t make you feel like you’re asking for too much when all you desire is his love and attention

————–> Is interested in your dreams and goals and will do anything he can to help you achieve them

————–> Cherishes your looks, but cherishes your soul even more

————–> A king must be ready to keep fighting for your love, even after he has won it

A king must be ready to keep fighting for your love, even after he has won it!
A king must be ready to keep fighting for your love, even after he has won it!

Ladies, the ball is in your court…If you’re going to take your relationship from something that’s just happiness and good sex to something that has a future in it, date a king and not a guy who simply has a crown on his head.

This is where any man who wants a relationship should aspire to take you…

Any man who doesn't want a future with you is merely wasting your time.
        Any man who doesn’t want a future with you is merely wasting your time.

And then here….

Do not fear commitment, only be afraid of men who want to waste your time.
Do not fear commitment, only be afraid of men who want to waste your time.
God has a King for you. Keep being the Queen you are.
                   God has a King for you. Keep being the Queen you are.

Don’t just date. Be wise, clear your head and raise the bar to the level only a king can rise to.

Relationship Goals!!!
         Relationship Goals!!!

Check out one of my old blog posts https://diariesofastar.wordpress.com/2014/09/16/how-to-know-youre-a-side-chic/ you’ll absolutely love it.

Thanks for reading. Gracias!


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